booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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