Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

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(408): View more from California

Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

What's the big deal? you guys fuck

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

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(808): View more from Hawaii

you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.

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(707): View more from California

Can't talk, ducks in the car

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(813): View more from Florida

The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.

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