i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
