I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
