My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
