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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  you should have been aborted.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!

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• (858): View more from California

  Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

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• (916): View more from California

  Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.

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• (818): View more from California

  I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?

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