Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
