is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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