If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
