He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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