i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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