I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Couch. On fire.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
