my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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