Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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