would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
