i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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