no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
