yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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