You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
