ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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