as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
