he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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