That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
