You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
