you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
