My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
