it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
