I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she looked like the before picture.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
