I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
