I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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