my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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