After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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