i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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