so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
