I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
