Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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