so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
