you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
