what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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