You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
