I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
