After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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