my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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