Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
