End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
