Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
