My first STD was from a foam party
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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