be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
