Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
