wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
