i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you inspire me to be a worse person
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
