umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
