She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
